It was not about sky diving

Yes I sky dived.  But that’s not what I am excited about. I never had a doubt about me jumping off the plane in Tandom. That only sounded exciting. Never scary.  The scare I had was, which applies to almost everything is, will I let that opportunity come to me? Or will I close the doors as always?

 

I am prejudiced about myself. I am a worst critic of myself. That worst is almost bordering on being harmful.  I stop myself from taking few risks . Or to put it rightly I see risks in doing something which others would very normally and easily do. 

 

When I first bought the car, I did not go on solo long drives because I thought I would goof up somewhere. When I first went out of country to Malaysia, I dint explore the place and always had someone with me because again I feared I would goof up something . I wasn’t always like this.  I do not even remember when did I become that.  But I did and I felt the shackles of  my own fear about me goofing up things were suffocating me.

 

When the US trip came about this time, I had made a strong resolution not to stop myself stupidly. I would go all out, visit places, meet people and overall be happy over being out alone . Not be worried over it all the time.

 

So in the first of my four weeks stay, I enquired about sky diving, spoke to friends. Friends showed interest. We all would go. They would decide there whether to Jump or not.  They stay there , they can jump any time they want, I could not take that chance, So I blocked the time for 31st May, Saturday.

 

In these 2 weeks, I imagined all the possible things my mind would makeup to stop this from happening.

It would feel the fear of height? No, not likely. Get scared reading some accidents about sky diving. No.. That’s not much of a possibility.  My friends will get busy and I will have to drive alone to the place? Oh yes, that is the catch. THAT one thing might stop me .

 

As luck would have had it, my friends had some other appointment for 31st and it would not be possible for them to accompany me.  Since I had already thought about it , dropping my plan dint come easy. That just means I am again scared of doing something wrong. Diving on wrong lane, wrong speed, reaching wrong place etc etc. So again I am stopping myself from doing what I dream of, what I am not scared of. But I am stopping myself  just because I don’t consider myself smart enough to reach there on my own. 

 

Next day morning, I just decided I will go , no matter what. Then I started my preparation. Something I don’t do well and sometimes I don’t do at all. I looked at the routes, I literally memorized the exits. Saw the place on the maps innumerable number of times that it became as good as a known street.

 

I had never bothered to dock my GPS system. Looked up in YouTube and  managed to dock it. At 2 I just hit the road. I was to reach there before 4:30. It was 45 mile drive. So I had ample time. My friend had warned about the road condition. SO I was prepared to negotiate the curvy road. I just told myself, we will do it and hit the road.

 

From there on, it was just fun. Driving on the freeways like anyone else . Driving at a speed which everyone else did. In no time I felt normal and soon I started enjoying like it. I reached the place by 3 with absolutely no hassles! I know how happy I was.

 

Jumping off the plane later was not as big compared to this. As I said, I always knew I could. I had  dreamt of it for almost a decade. The joy was about not stopping. About bringing myself to it.

 

And that is why and that is how, now I feel liberated.

Office me bhi ek Maa..

I guess, the term 'admin' means different meaning in different companies jus because across companies the role varies so much! But in places where I have worked, every department has a department admin who reports to the GM of the dept. and this post is all about those office moms whom you always find at their toes to ensure all is well n fine in the team.
Imagine the stress they handle, and the minute things they need to take care of, stationary request from a guy in team A, cube movement of a person in team B, someone wants their Visa app filled, some person doesn’t know to get corporate card and asking her those unending questions. (Which she has answered zillion times before, to each one of us) Travel desk is calling her to see if the GMs travel date can be changed and Boss wants a meeting setup with all the fellow managers THIS afternoon. What the heck!!! Just the two hands and one brain jus like all of us!!!
Does it stop there? Isn’t she bothered at home too? Call up and ask if that booking is ready, if this person is been informed of XYZ things etc etc etc. What abt her home n children n family? They don’t give a concession either, jus because of the kind of work she does. I know all of us work, manage work n home and its not being easy for most of we women, I am simply not denying that. But there are some relieving moments we have. Think of those team outings, aren’t we jus free leaving our laptop back home and jus chilling out and enjoying a day out of work n home? But again its all thanks to the effort she has put in for booking, travel, food and what not. May be she was better at office doing her routine work . :)
To me personally it seemed never ending. I know there might be a camp saying, come on they are paid for it. But they need not do it with so much of loven putting their heart in to it because they r paid do they? All my life I have had admins who literally took care like mom does. That’s why the name Office Moms and this post is just for them…

Love you Virgi.. :)

In the end, it doesnt even matter... (as always)

itni door ake, itne din se chalte chalte ab yahan aa pade hai.. bhikmngo ki zindagi jeene...
apne hi zindagi se chand lamho ki bheek mangate hue..

You know a boring afternoon when you don’t have much work can trigger a lot of thoughts in you.. thts wen u realize, you r wasting time.. mann nothing is a better inspiration than that.. and u suddenly become active, get up and tell the world( at least a few set of friends) about ur new found ‘urself’. (Abhi abhi hua yakeen, ki aag hai mujhme kahi) Something similar happened to a friend of mine, So why wait, he dint want the spark to go waste, decided to ignite all our minds. And there came a chat window popping with a message “Guys think what is that you are ready to die for”..
Ding ding ding.. thr were few messages laughing at this sudden awaken of Indian youth. But at my end thr was a weird silence.. a silence inside me. Forget laughing… the chat window instead laughed at me.. (hehe Sushma u don’t even have an answer to pretend too ) Well, the discussion further became technical without leaving a doubt that I was a part of chat room full geeks with their geeko dreams, wanting to leave a trail behind, wanting to write something (SOMETHING??? What thing is this now?) that can change the world again.. I had no problem being part of that, but do I want to take the trouble of finding what that SOMETHING is? Ohh excuse me please.. not me.. ok so that obviously is not something I am ready to die for.. so leaving the chat room I packed my bag. A thought lingered , may be its dance I want to do, a BIG stage, huge audience, lights, claps, music and u dance ur heart out, managing to win the heart of audience (standing ovation??? :P ). Seemed right, come on I am giving my heart and soul to it, I go to class after ofce, come back and practice it at home, it is something whr my passion lies.. oh I found finally found it. A sigh of relief. But wait.. a voice frm inside reminded.. dint I miss the classes entire last season, because I had lot of work. I was trying to write that SOMETHING and missed the great chance of performing before Shiamak? Come on I dint even consider a bit of slogging for 2 days a week. Heck, then will I die for it? Mm.. may be acting, I love that, acting, video making. Have I not been writing stories around the songs I hear , have I not tried enacting (beating) the actresses after watching movies? But again, I haven’t even gone for a single rehearsal in last 2 years, no stage performance nothing. All this citing the hectic schedule( schedule doesn’t matter for passion, does it). Ok so thts ruled out… what else? Come on I don’t have anything I can die for????????????? Then y am I alive??? Suddenly had 3-4-5 answers,

I am here to work, have fun, dance my heart away, to live different lives as actress, to slog for NOTHING, and of course to find something to live for everyday. Mann.. thts a convincing answer(convenient too). Jus as this thought crossed the mind, I dint want to waste time.. I have to tell the world too ..(Life is an open road to me) . So here I am with my answers 

The last note: All the best guys, I am sure you will come up with something which will be a GATEWAY for the new world.

Invincible Javed saab

Lines from Namaste London..

jaane kiski talaash unaki aankhon mein thi
aarajoo ke musaafir bhatkate rahein
jitane bhi woh chale
utane hi bichh gayein raah mein faasalein
kwaab manjil thi aur manjilein khwaab thi
raaston se nikalate rahein raaste
jaane kis waste aarjoo ke musaafir bhatkate rahein


koyi puraani yaad mera rasta roke mujhse kehti hai
itani jalati dhoop mein yuun kab tak ghumoge
aayo, chalke bitein dino ki chhanv mein baithe
us lamhein ki baat karein
jisme koyi phool khila tha
us lamhein ki baat karein ke
jisme kisi aawaaz ki chaandi khanak uthi thi
us lamhein ki baat karein ke
jisme kisi nazaron ke moti barse the
koyi puraani yaad mera rasta roke mujhse kehti hai
itani jalati dhoop mein yuun kab tak ghumoge


sach toh yeh hai kasoor apana hain
chaand ko chuune ki tamanna ki
aasamaan ko jamin par maanga
phool chaaha ki paththaron pe khilein
kaanton mein ki talaash khoshboo ki
aarjoo ki ke aag thandak de
barf mein dhundate rahein garmi
khwaab jo dekha chaaha sach ho jaaye
isaki humko saja toh milani hi thi
sach toh yeh hai kasoor apana hain

Back again with my prediction of the day..

You don't know where life is going to lead you, and that's where the fun lies. Don't worry about 'what it all means' and go with it for now. More will be revealed later, when you know what to do with the knowledge.


sounds preachy?? I wonder is it a day's prediction or truth for life?

From Rocky Balboa

I dint want to miss these lines.. this couldnt find a better place to rest.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!