Yes I
sky dived. But that’s not what I am
excited about. I never had a doubt about me jumping off the plane in Tandom.
That only sounded exciting. Never scary.
The scare I had was, which applies to almost everything is, will I let
that opportunity come to me? Or will I close the doors as always?
I am
prejudiced about myself. I am a worst critic of myself. That worst is almost
bordering on being harmful. I stop
myself from taking few risks . Or to put it rightly I see risks in doing
something which others would very normally and easily do.
When I
first bought the car, I did not go on solo long drives because I thought I
would goof up somewhere. When I first went out of country to Malaysia, I dint
explore the place and always had someone with me because again I feared I would
goof up something . I wasn’t always like this.
I do not even remember when did I become that. But I did and I felt the shackles of my own fear about me goofing up things were
suffocating me.
When
the US trip came about this time, I had made a strong resolution not to stop
myself stupidly. I would go all out, visit places, meet people and overall be
happy over being out alone . Not be worried over it all the time.
So in
the first of my four weeks stay, I enquired about sky diving, spoke to friends.
Friends showed interest. We all would go. They would decide there whether to
Jump or not. They stay there , they can
jump any time they want, I could not take that chance, So I blocked the time
for 31st May, Saturday.
In
these 2 weeks, I imagined all the possible things my mind would makeup to stop
this from happening.
It
would feel the fear of height? No, not likely. Get scared reading some
accidents about sky diving. No.. That’s not much of a possibility. My friends will get busy and I will have to
drive alone to the place? Oh yes, that is the catch. THAT one thing might stop
me .
As
luck would have had it, my friends had some other appointment for 31st and it
would not be possible for them to accompany me.
Since I had already thought about it , dropping my plan dint come easy.
That just means I am again scared of doing something wrong. Diving on wrong
lane, wrong speed, reaching wrong place etc etc. So again I am stopping myself
from doing what I dream of, what I am not scared of. But I am stopping
myself just because I don’t consider
myself smart enough to reach there on my own.
Next
day morning, I just decided I will go , no matter what. Then I started my
preparation. Something I don’t do well and sometimes I don’t do at all. I
looked at the routes, I literally memorized the exits. Saw the place on the
maps innumerable number of times that it became as good as a known street.
I had
never bothered to dock my GPS system. Looked up in YouTube and managed to dock it. At 2 I just hit the road.
I was to reach there before 4:30. It was 45 mile drive. So I had ample time. My
friend had warned about the road condition. SO I was prepared to negotiate the
curvy road. I just told myself, we will do it and hit the road.
From
there on, it was just fun. Driving on the freeways like anyone else . Driving
at a speed which everyone else did. In no time I felt normal and soon I started
enjoying like it. I reached the place by 3 with absolutely no hassles! I know
how happy I was.
Jumping
off the plane later was not as big compared to this. As I said, I always knew I
could. I had dreamt of it for almost a
decade. The joy was about not stopping. About bringing myself to it.
And
that is why and that is how, now I feel liberated.
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